Blaze Page 15

  While I'd like to think that given time, we could all work it out, that doesn't mean it's possible. Can I allow myself to get attached to the four of them knowing that one or more might reject me, or the others? Pushing away from the broken bowl I'm leaning against; I join the guys in the large space. No one sees me yet, Crowley’s on the floor rubbing Baby's belly. His paws are in the air, one of the back ones kicking at nothing. Connor and Charlie are busy preparing what appears to be last night's leftovers. Their heads bent in conversation; perhaps those two are closer than I first thought judging by how little space is between their faces, hmm, possibilities? Chris sits on the couch, my device in his hand. Oh shit!

  "Chris!" All eyes focus on me standing in the doorway, but I pay them no mind. Instead I rush over to Chris, I grab my most prized possession in the whole world from his hands. "Where'd you get this?" Clutching the sleek black screen to my chest, even bringing it to my lips, kissing it I sigh in relief.

  "After you were trapped. I found it looking for water for you. I couldn't remember what it was," he replies, his face breaking out in a smile.

  "Oh my God, thank you! Oh, I thought I'd lost you." I can barely believe it. I thought it was gone forever.

  "What is it, darlin?" Crowley pushes off the ground to hover over my shoulder, looking down at what I hold in my hands.

  "I found it years ago. I don't know what it's called," I tell him. Reaching out he takes it from my grip.

  "It's a very old communication device." He turns it over in his hands. "I've only seen one that worked."

  "It works," I say, taking it back from him. "It's got my things on it. It needs a charge though." I turn back to Chris and ask, "Did you get the charger too?" The look of confusion tells me he has no idea what I'm talking about. "Black wire with a block on the end?"

  "No, sorry angel," Chris replies.

  Shit. It's too far to travel back for it. The city’s only one more day away. This time tomorrow we should be there if we walk quickly and into the night. "Never mind." I plant a kiss to his forehead on the way back to my room where I put it into the bottom of my bag. Back in the living space, we all sit on the floor and eat our small meal. "Crow?" I look up from my empty piece of scrap metal, nudging his arm to get his attention.

  "Yea?" He must have been lost in thought.

  "What happened to the Campo? And how did you call for backup?" I've been meaning to ask him, but I hadn’t had the time.

  "We left it. Charlie wouldn't wait, so we hightailed it to you." He looks down sheepishly at his hands. "I'm sorry ‘bout that. It was a stupid move."

  I reach over and lift his chin with my forefinger. Looking into his eyes I say, "Don't be silly. You all came for me, that's what counts. And besides," letting his face go I turn to Chris. "Aside from nearly dying… it ended well." He smiles back at me, his hands empty because he doesn't eat our food. Huh, what does he eat? I ask him.

  "Animals mostly." He runs a hand through his now chin-length hair. "Actually, that smells good." He jerks his head towards the scraps on the piece of wood in Charlie's hands.

  Offering Chris the food Charlie says, "Try it?"

  "Thanks." Chris takes a small piece of Tate and puts it in his mouth. Chewing, his face speculative, Chris hums and ahhs as he swallows.

  "Good. Next time I will eat with you guys." Chris's speech has come a long way, he no longer speaks in short clipped sentence. His hair’s growing as I watch, his skin’s less pale, but the black across his eyes and nose remains the same.

  "Let's get going, guys. We've got a long way to go today," I say as I stand. The guys all rise too. We each move around packing up our things for the journey. I watch out of the corner of my eye, unable to stop myself. Once my bag’s packed, I wander outside for some fresh air.

  I can't help but wonder what sort of reception we’ll get once we arrive at Tri-City. Obviously, Chris will be harder to sneak in than me. Baby even more so. Connor believes he'll be able to convince a guard to let us in. But then what? Where will we be sleeping? Looking out at the wastelands I've called home all of my life, a lump forms in my throat. Will I ever return here? Or will I be killed before I even get a chance to know true happiness? So many questions, and not a single answer.

  We've been walking the abandoned streets of outer London for hours now. My feet hurt. My stomach’s rumbling. Baby went to look for food some time ago but hasn't been back with anything yet. Crowley keeps his distance from me as I walk with Chris. Connor and Charlie are checking buildings up ahead for Panda and any supplies we might be able to use.

  "How do you feel Chris?" I ask as we climb over the debris left behind by a building. Sharp edges and metal bars threaten to cause injury, but we deftly navigate our way over them.

  "I'm… good. The fog over my eyes has completely lifted." He jumps down a particularly large piece of wall and holds his hands out as if to catch me. I jump into them. Catching me easily, he lets me slide down his body.

  "Chris," I breathlessly mumble as his hardness glides down my stomach, the heat in his eyes makes my legs tremble a little. My feet touch the ground and he takes my hand in his, together we continue down the street. I've never held someone's hand like this before. Never having a boyfriend, I'm not exactly sure how to play this. So of course, I grin like an idiot and even start to whistle as we walk. Charlie and Connor emerge from a building to our left as we pass. "Hey guys," I say overly cheerfully.

  Both of them look at me with open confusion. Charlie reaches out and takes hold of my other hand and my smile widens to impossible proportions. "So cute," I remark to no one in particular.

  "Damn, if I knew all it would take is some hand holding to get a smile like that on your face, girl, I'd’ve never let it go." Connor walks backwards in front of us, his cheeky smile lighting up the world around us. He ducks into a building, searching for supplies. It feels kinda intimate with our fingers laced together. The heat from their palms soaking into mine sends a tingling sensation travelling up my arms. Looking sideways at Charlie, images of us together flit through my mind. His hands on me, caressing, pinching, rubbing. My hands on him.

  Electricity shoots to between my thighs. I bite my lip to prevent a moan crawling its way out of me from actually making it out. The sweetness in his kiss as he drove in and out of me, the way he felt inside of me. Suddenly I'm pulled to a standstill from behind. Arms wrap around my waist, but Char and Chris don't let go of my hands.

  "It won't be like that with me, sweet face. Keep thinking those thoughts and I'll take you on the rubble under our feet." Connor's husky words let loose that moan I'd managed to suppress.

  “Fucks sake, Connor, let her breathe.” Connor, Charlie and I all whip our heads towards Chris as he lets go of my hand and glares at Connor. The fuck? "You're always all over her without her permission. Making lewd comments and rubbing against her, it's… I don't have the word. But it's beginning to piss me off."

  "Whoa Chris, it's fine…” He doesn't let me finish.

  "No, it isn't! He’s fucking perverted!" Shit. What the fuck is happening? Chris' face turns an odd shade of red as he stares at Connor like he wants to punch him or eat him, I'm not sure which.

  "Chris-" I hold my hands out in front of me in an attempt to calm him down. "It's fine, I swear. Connor’s handsy, that's all."

  “He should have your permission! He shouldn't… should..." His face goes completely blank. Free of all expression, Chris falls to the floor. His body crumples in on itself and he lands face first in the dirt.

  "Chris!" My feet slide over rocks as I dash to his side in less time than it takes to blink. “Chris? Oh god.” His body starts to convulse. Arms and legs thrashing so I lay my body across his in an attempt to stop him from hurting himself. I look up just as Connor, Crowley and Charlie kneel next to us. “What's happening?”

  “I don't know. I don't sense anything wrong inside of him.” Charlie runs his hands over Chris` body. His face a mask of concentration as panic snaps and pops inside my stomach
, threatening to spill its contents on the ground. Pushing off Chris, I look down at his face, my mind conjures up all kinds of scenarios.

  Poison? No, that doesn't make sense if his body’s dead, right? No, it seems to me his body’s coming back to life. I study his contorting form below me. His hair grows, and his skin’s no longer paler than the moon. He’s getting better. Changing. Another wave of nausea hits me as Baby pads over to us, leaning down he licks Chris' face. As suddenly as it started, it stops. Chris stops convulsing and just lays there, limp.

  "Chris?" I shake his shoulders a little but get no reaction. Mechanically I stroke his face for what seems like hours but in reality, is only a few moments. "Should we move him?" Looking up at the darkening sky, I reach up to my face and wipe away a single drop of rain. Rain means storms and with them, swirling clouds of debris and carnage. It’s too dangerous to stay out here.

  "Yes. Connor, take his legs," Crowley orders, his face conveys nothing. Unable to get a read on his feelings, I concentrate on the now. "Charlie, take her inside." His tone a little too… I don't know the word. But I don't like how he says her.

  "I'm completely capable of getting inside, Crow. And just so you know," in a move so fast the guys don't see it until it's happened, I pull my sword from my back and stab it towards Crowley's shoulder. His eyes widen as he looks at the sharp steel in my hand then back up, confusion and horror clear to see. I jerk the blade back with a wet sound and a body hits the ground. "There's a fucking Panda behind you." Replacing the Katana on my back, I spin on my heels and walk into the closest building to us.

  "Fuck me." I hear Crowley's words call behind me as I stomp my way into what appears to be some sort of sitting area, chairs and frames dot the space in front of me. The smell is indescribable. When it hits me, my stomach rolls again but this time I tamp it down.

  Smells, like the one assaulting my senses right now, are nothing new to me. The world’s dead, and it smells like it too. I’m used to the smell of rot and death. My feet hit bits of wood and metal as I delve deeper into the darkness. If there’s anyone in here, they’ll come searching for whatever’s making noise. Fucking Crowley, who does he think he is acting like I don't have a thought of my own? That huge mother fucker is going down, and soon. I gotta teach him I’m not a weak woman, and he’s met his match when it come to being stubborn.

  When the sounds of struggling reach my ears I spin so fast my hair whips my face, the sting barely noticeable as I charge back outside to find Crowley and Chris throwing their fists at each other. Connor and Charlie are attempting and failing to pull them apart. Chris swings his leg out, which takes Crowley by surprise because he hits the ground with a thud.

  'Bastard!" Crowley’s bellow echoes off the structures around us, repeating as it reaches our ears.

  "You dropped me on purpose! I'll fucking kill you!" Chris shouts so loud my ears buzz in protest.

  "In case you haven't noticed," Crow grunts and moans with effort as he pushes his huge frame off the muddy earth. "It's raining, you dickweed! You slipped outta my hands." He tries to bat off the mud now clinging to the back of his pants, but it only serves to spread it further. Clamping a hand over my mouth to hide the smile that creeps up on me, I listen to the two of them threaten to maim and kill each other.

  "Listen, Panda, what the fuck is your problem?" Crowley’s brow draws down over his eyes as he looks at Chris bent at the waist, his hands out to the sides like he’s about to jump on Crowley. But before Chris can answer, Charlie speaks up,

  "Hunger." Everyone except Chris flits their heads towards Char as he continues, "You're starving, aren't you, Chris?"

  Fuck. Chris locks eyes with me when I turn back to him, those usually shining blue eyes are now filled with sadness as he slowly nods his head.

  "Oh!" My hand shoots to my mouth, the other to my stomach. It rolls back and forth like water in a skin as realisation dawns. Chris has been acting strangely because he's starving.

  "Yes," Chris answers, his voice laced with pain as he clutches his stomach. At that simple word, I bend over and heave until I see stars. The sound of the liquid inside me splattering on stones drowned out by a clap of thunder.

  "We need to get inside. Now," Crowley growls at us then stalks off into the building I was in just moments ago.

  "Go eat, Chris. Come on, doll, let's get out of this rain." Charlie wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me to the entrance.

  I stop and look back as I hear Chris tell Connor, "I don't want to be this monster anymore." Before I can do or say anything Chris turns and runs down the street, back the way we came. A sob leaves me breathless as Charlie hurries me into the building and deposits me on a mostly intact chair.

  Kneeling on the dirty floor between my legs he tells me, "He hasn't eaten since he met you, Kay."

  What? Why? Oh God. Chris.

  "He knows it makes him a monster and he hates it," Connor explains as he enters the building.

  "Wait. How do you know this? I thought you couldn't hear him?" I ask him. My heart breaks into a million pieces at his answer,

  "I couldn't. But it's been happening in small spurts since yesterday. He…" Connor sits his arse on the floor next to Charlie. His hand squeezes my knee. "He thinks if he can appear to be more like us." He lifts a hand using it to indicate the four of us. "Then you could love him. He desperately wants that. But he thinks because he has the virus you couldn't ever love a Panda."

  Oh, fuck me. Something inside me breaks, cracking open like an egg. It bursts forth and with it comes pain so deep I can barely breathe. Love. It swims through my veins like molten lava, burning, destroying the walls I’d built so long ago. I love them all, so much so my heart bleeds with it.

  Running headlong through the war-torn streets of London, my heart pounds against my chest bone. I search for one of the men I've given my heart to. He thinks he's unlovable, thinks I could never fall for him. He's wrong. Because I already have. I've fallen for all of them and now my heart’s torn into a thousand pieces as I run without direction for the man my heart bleeds for.

  For hours my feet dart me from street to street, in and out of buildings in search of him, but find nothing. Over and over I scream his name until my throat’s raw from the effort. I can’t find him anywhere. Panda attack me at every turn, my blade making light work of dispatching them, severing heads from bodies as easily as human teeth cut through soft bread.

  He's gotta be around here somewhere. He can't have just vanished. But as day turns into night, I finally slow in my search. Having not been able to keep up with me, Connor, Crowley and Charlie returned to the building full of chairs as I tore up the streets. Finally, I stop, my hands on my knees. I fall to the ground in despair. He ran away from me because I'm a cold-hearted bitch. It's me who’s unlovable, not he.

  Who could ever love someone as broken as me? I couldn't even muster tears as my mother's broken body was lowered into the ground. But now, crumpled on the dirty cold ground, my soul lets out an almighty sob as tears burst from my eyes. Big heaving sobs heave from my body as I mourn the loss of my Panda Alpha. Baby finds me, laying his body close to mine. I reach a hand out and dig it into his fur. his warmth and presence comfort me in a way nothing else can.

  Sometime later as I'm curled up in the mud, gentle hands lift me up. Heat spreads over my skin as I'm pressed against a warm body and carried through the streets. Closing my eyes, I let darkness take me.

  The feeling of being jostled wakes me, cracking open an eyelid I look up at Crowley's face. Stern, moody, take no shit from anyone ,Crowley. He shifts me again so my head rests against his massive peck. I watch him for some time as he carries me God knows where, but from the ache in my body, I can tell I've been in his arms for a while. I reach up, gently caressing his cheek, he stutters to a stop and looks down at me.

  "Darlin, you had us fucking worried," Grumpy Crowley growls down at me, his tone softening as we lock eyes. The unshed tears in mine making him pull to a stop. Lowering himself
to the ground, Crowley rests my arse on his knee. "Don't cry Darlin. He'll come back; I know he will. Just … just give him time," he says the words with such surety I'm tempted to believe him.

  "He's gone Crow. Because I couldn't love him." A sob bursts from my chest despite my efforts to keep it at bay. "I can't love anyone, Crowley because I can't love myself. I can't be loved." Tears flow freely down my face now; I leave them unchecked.

  "No, doll. That's not true. You're loveable in a thousand different ways. But love doesn't come easily in the wastelands. You've never felt it, or received it, so you don't know what it feels like." Charlie appears over Crow's shoulder, tears in his beautiful, sweet, intense eyes.

  "Trust me, Kayla, you are loved." Charlie bends down and kisses my head. My feelings either soar to the sky or plummet to the depths of hell, with no in-between. I've gotta get a handle on them before they destroy me. Crowley sets me on my feet. I stretch my body and several joints click and pop as I do. I must’ve been carried by Crow for a very long time because as I turn toward where we were headed, I'm greeted by an iridescent dome.

  "Tri-City," I whisper.

  "We're here," Charlie says simply. Shit.

  "Baby hide!" I give the command to my dog-lion. He’ll hide until I call for him, hopefully, I'll be able to get him in soon. God, I'll miss that vicious fucker.

  We all gather around Connor as he tells us the entry plan. I nod and act like I'm listening intently, but really all I can focus on is the massive wall just a few steps away from us. I've only seen this place from afar.

  “Kay, are you ready?” Charlie digs in his pack and hands me the wig I'd worn every day for most of my life. “It’s go time, beautiful, remember we’re here with you and won't let anything happen, ok?”